I Don't Ever Want to Get Used to This

Last night marked my first night going downtown to work with NightLight. We went downtown at about 10:30 PM while the night was still young and stayed out until 3 AM, ministering and praying for the young women on the streets caught in the vicious cycle and stronghold of sexual trafficking and exploitation.

As I sit here nearly twelve hours later, I am still processing and almost sitting in unbelief of the things that I saw last night. It's one thing to hear about these things and maybe even see documentaries of the sex trafficking industry on the television, but it's a whole different ball game when you are standing literally two feet next to a woman while she makes a deal with a man and climbs into his truck to sell her body in desperate hopes that she'll make enough money to please her pimp and make it through the next couple days. The feeling that I felt in my stomach is simply indescribable. I could say that it felt like I was punched straight in the gut, but it was deeper than that. I could say that it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach, but it was worse than that. I could say that I felt like in that moment I had lost all ability to see or hear anything else around me, but it was far more tragic than that.

For a moment, I believe that the Lord revealed to me just the slightest amount of love He has for this young lady. And for a moment, I didn't see just "another" girl climbing into a truck with a man to do her "dirty deed". I saw a desperate young lady, broken and shattered on the inside, trying to find her way in this world. And for a moment, the Lord delivered me from my hostility and anger towards the man who "purchased" this lady for such a low price and saw just another lonely and deeply broken man, searching for intimacy in all of the wrong places and resorting to such cheap forms of love. Because all in all, we're all the same- just searching for love and truth.

As I witnessed this deal go down though, I couldn't help but cry out to the Lord, "I DON'T EVER WANT TO GET USED TO THIS!" I will be doing this sort of ministry every Friday night for an indefinite amount of time, but I never ever want to get used to this. I never want to get to the point where I see a deal like this go down, and I don't feel something going on inside of me. While I was praying this, I heard the Lord tell me:

"I never get used to this. You come once a week. I'm here every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. I never get used to this. I never accept this. I am not pleased with this. These are my precious daughters. I see the pain, I hear the lies that Satan tells them every day and my heart is broken for them. I CRY FOR THEM. These are my precious daughters that I was nailed to a cross to and shed blood for. I never get used to this."

So now here I am, feeling completely inadequate to portray Christ's love to these girls. But in my weakness, He is strong. I realize that no matter how hard I try to imitate God's love to them, my love for them will always pale in comparison to the Lord's deep love and jealousy for them. Fighting against the sex trafficking and exploitation industry is a very discouraging work because it often feels so hopeless, but I will press on with the perseverance and patience that the Lord demonstrated on me when saving me probably felt hopeless and like a lost cause. He didn't give up on me, and I will not give up on them.