LET IT GO!

Confession time: I've been holding on to something for far too long. No, not just simply "holding on", but the selfish, nasty, clinging-type-of-holding-on. My fists have been clenched around it tightly for a solid eight months. So tightly that if one could physically see how tightly I've been holding on to it, they would see that my knuckles are turning white from the grip I thought I had on it.

I've never been one to hold on to things like this. Especially once I realize that the circumstances are far out of my control. I don't know what it is that made me become so controlling over this certain thing. It's pathetic, even embarrassing how I've depended on this thing and even let it control my moods.

Well, I'm publicly declaring this because today is the day that I offer it up to the Lord. Today is the day that I pry open my clenched fists and lay it out in the open before Abba. Obviously I can only do this by the Lord's strength. So I ask that you pray for me.

I've also strategized somewhat of a game plan (we'll see how this goes). Every time that I am tempted to regain control with this "thing", every time that I am tempted to pull it back in to my grips and clench my weak fist around it, I will go to my stack of notecards that I recently made. On these notecards, I wrote down as many of the names of God that I could think of and their definitions and just how they apply to me. I will read through these and remind myself, for example, that my God is Jehovah-Nissi. The Lord is my banner. He will fight for me.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14

Or...God is ALL SUFFICIENT. He is all I need. I don't need this thing I've been holding on to. I find my worth and value in Christ alone.

I came across this the other day by Henri Nouwen:

"Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen."
-Henri Nouwen

He is all I need. He is all I will ever need. Once I truly begin to believe this in my heart, it will become much easier to let go. So here's to a start of a long process...I'm letting go and trusting in something greater.