This Christmas

Father of the fatherless, be with your sons and daughters this Christmas. Father, let us not forget the children who are all alone this Christmas.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” –James 1:27

Good Day

For anybody that knows anything about me, you know that it's true that it's a really good day for me when I get a new pair of long, fun, decorative socks. It's the little things in life that get me goin'. Thanks Maw Maw! Brownie points to you.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

–Howard Thurman

LET IT GO!

Confession time: I've been holding on to something for far too long. No, not just simply "holding on", but the selfish, nasty, clinging-type-of-holding-on. My fists have been clenched around it tightly for a solid eight months. So tightly that if one could physically see how tightly I've been holding on to it, they would see that my knuckles are turning white from the grip I thought I had on it.

I've never been one to hold on to things like this. Especially once I realize that the circumstances are far out of my control. I don't know what it is that made me become so controlling over this certain thing. It's pathetic, even embarrassing how I've depended on this thing and even let it control my moods.

Well, I'm publicly declaring this because today is the day that I offer it up to the Lord. Today is the day that I pry open my clenched fists and lay it out in the open before Abba. Obviously I can only do this by the Lord's strength. So I ask that you pray for me.

I've also strategized somewhat of a game plan (we'll see how this goes). Every time that I am tempted to regain control with this "thing", every time that I am tempted to pull it back in to my grips and clench my weak fist around it, I will go to my stack of notecards that I recently made. On these notecards, I wrote down as many of the names of God that I could think of and their definitions and just how they apply to me. I will read through these and remind myself, for example, that my God is Jehovah-Nissi. The Lord is my banner. He will fight for me.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14

Or...God is ALL SUFFICIENT. He is all I need. I don't need this thing I've been holding on to. I find my worth and value in Christ alone.

I came across this the other day by Henri Nouwen:

"Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen."
-Henri Nouwen

He is all I need. He is all I will ever need. Once I truly begin to believe this in my heart, it will become much easier to let go. So here's to a start of a long process...I'm letting go and trusting in something greater.

When They Grow Up by Caroline (Back2Back staff)

The other day I was talking with an older teenage boy at Casa Hogar Douglas about what he wanted to be when he grew up. I said, "well one day you could go to high school and then on to college and study something. You could be part of the Hope Program and live at Back2Back. What would you like to be when you go up?" He said really honestly, "well you see it's hard. I'm the oldest of my siblings here. And I have this aunt."

At this point, my heart sank and I knew what he was about to say. He was about to say that this distant family member who won't even visit him at the children's home, doesn't pick him up for holidays, or anything of that nature - is going to invite him to live with her as soon as he is old enough to work and help her out. That's exactly what he proceeded to describe. He is one of the few who never leaves the home, never has a visitor, and is a "double orphan" - as in both mom and dad are dead.

He said that his aunt told him that as soon as he finished junior high school, he could live with her and work with her and help the family. He just kept saying, "it's hard Caroline." I've heard this before. And I said, "You know, you have options here. You are the one that is in control. The control is yours. I think you should talk to some of the boys that are already in our Hope Program and who are studying to get great jobs. A lot of them had the same hard decision to make when they were your age. Their aunt or uncle said that they could come live with them and work instead of go to college but they chose to go to college and now have way better jobs and now can help out their family financially so much more because they went to high school and college."

It was as if he had never, ever thought of that option. Pray for him (name will be kept hidden for his privacy - these sweet children have little privacy - sorry) and for all the children we serve who are like him and have tough decisions to make that will forever affect their futures. Pray that seemingly selfish family members wouldn't try to take advantage of them in their desperation.

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Long story short- it's been a very difficult week for me. Actually, I might even have to say it's been the hardest week I may have ever endured. (On that note though, I can count my blessings because I realize just how easy my "hard" week probably looks to a lot of others.) I came across this poem by Amy Carmichael on the internet though, and was deeply comforted. Our God knows what's best for us. He makes ALL things work together for our good. Though there may be pain in the night, JOY COMES IN THE MORNING. This pain and struggle that I'm fighting is trivial in comparison to the plans the Lord has for me to come.

Our Father knows what's best for us, so why should we complain?
We always want the sunshine, but he knows there must be rain.
We love the sound of laughter and the merriment of cheer,
But our hearts would lose their tenderness if we never shed a tear.
For growing trees are strengthened when they withstand the storm,
And the sharp cut of the chisel gives the diamond grace and form.
God never hurts us needlessly, and he never wastes our pain,
For every loss he sends to us is followed by rich gain.
And when we count the blessings that God so freely sent,
We'll find no cause for murmuring, and no time to lament.
For our Father loves his children, and to him all things are plain,
So he never sends us pleasure when the soul's deep need is pain.
So whenever we are troubled, and when everything goes wrong,
We know God's working in our hearts, to make our spirit strong.

-Amy Carmichael

A Personal Narrative

I'm taking a college level course at Bethel. The class is written communications and my teacher asked us to write a personal narrative and describe a certain moment or situation that describes best who you are. Immediately I thought to write about my time in Mexico. For any curious minds, here it is :)

Today is my first Father’s Day away from home. As I’m away from my father on this Father’s Day though, it just so happens that the place I am living in is quite literally the land of the fatherLESS. My journey to this land began about a year ago on a night that I won’t soon forget. It was the night that God broke my heart for what breaks His. I am now broken for the orphan child, called to pursue them on behalf of Jesus Christ; called to be Christ’s hands in maintaining their cause, meeting their needs, and rescuing them...until His Kingdom come.

            It all started during the summer of 2009. I was on a week long mission trip with my church in Monterrey, Mexico.  It was a Sunday, and it was our first day going to one of the orphanages. It was a sunny and humid day, during Mexico’s hottest month. As sweat was dripping down my face, I stepped off of the bus and on to the orphanage’s ground. I then looked up to see a beautiful eleven year old girl smiling so big you’d think she had been waiting her entire life for ME to come and visit her. I tried so hard to remember all the spanish that I had been learning for two years in a classroom back in the States, but all that could come out of my mouth in that moment was, “Hola! Me llamo es Cassie!” (Hi, my name is Cassie). She smiled back, wrapped her arms around me, and said, “Me llamo Ady!”. Words were simply overrated thoughout that week. My spanish was lousy, and she knew no english, so we communicated only through laughter and smiles.

            By the end of the week, I knew exactly why God had sent me to Mexico with my church. He wanted to use ME to be a friend to Ady and show her Christ’s undying love for her. The entire week, I could feel the Holy Spirit pursuing her through me, because when my strength and energy was gone, I still wanted to love on Ady and give her nothing but my all. So you can imagine how difficult it was to say goodbye to this eleven year old orphan girl at the end of the week...for she had become a best friend!

            But that was the night that the Lord set my heart on fire for the cause of the orphan child. A righteous anger was beginning to arise within me. I knew I could not just go back home to my comfortable home and act like nothing ever happened. I wanted to get involved with this ministry. I wanted to advance God’s Kingdom and do work with this ministry that solely existed to care for the orphans in Monterrey. I remember the evening so clearly. A storm was rolling through the mountains.  I went outside and sat down in it and for one moment, I was aware of the fact that the same thing was going on inside of me. Every thing inside of me was shuffling around and I knew things would change but as Sue Monk Kidd so wisely said, "Patterns begin to crumble. It feels to us like a collapsing of all that is, but it's a holy quaking." I looked into the dark clouds and lightning and took a deep breath.  "We can endure, transcend, and transform the storminess when we see the meaning and mystery of it” (Monk). I knew God was calling me to serve the orphans more long term, but I had no idea as to how that was going to happen. I had no idea what my next step would be. I had to just sit back and trust and wait…trust that our God would lead me to the right ministry opportunity at just the right time. The waiting was hard, but I knew God was transforming me. I knew there was no short cut, nor did I want one. I committed to leaning into his "transformation" wholeheartedly and with patience. Shortly thereafter though, I was offered and internship position with this very ministry that I served with during the summer of 2009.

            That’s why I find myself sitting here today, on this beautiful Father’s Day, not with my father, but with hundreds of children without fathers. For this month of June, I am interning with this ministry, Back2Back. Every day I come in to contact with anywhere between 15-50 orphans because one year ago, our Lord broke my heart for what breaks His and He is now using me, just an average servant with a willing heart, to fulfill some of His promises to the orphan. But today, it’s a little more bittersweet, celebrating Father’s Day with orphans. But today we are also all reminded again, who our eternal Father is. And how much He really loves us all. Today we are not reminded only of what sin has done, in leaving so many children without a home or parents. No, the story is never over there with our God. Today we are also reminded of the precious gift of our Father’s son that God gave us so that one day, we can all celebrate, together, in our eternal Father. No more pain. No more heartache. No more broken families. No more orphans.

            I believe that He wants to use you in pursuing the orphans as well. We are compelled by action by the many promises God has made to the orphans in Scripture. God promises to VINDICATE them, RESCUE them, DELIVER them, HEAR them, LIFT them up, be their FATHER, MEET their needs, maintain their cause...God intends to fulfill many of these promises through us, His church.

            Please pray with me for the fatherless children today. Pray that they find peace and love in Christ’s arms. Pray that they can break free from chains and strong holds that have tied them down. Pray that God delivers them and leads them out of their oppression. Pray that by the power of Christ, the Enemy’s hold on them will break loose.

            “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...” (New International Version, James 1:27).

            Dios promete ser su padre. God promises to be their Father.

This is Ady, the girl God used to spark the flame in my heart for His orphaned children.